“What are we doing for Valentine’s Day?”
That dreaded question brings up panic, dollar signs and the absolute fear that you will be sleeping on the couch for the rest of eternity. You’re thinking, Game of Thrones marathon! They are thinking, fancy dinner and wine. Fear not my nerdy brother and sister, there is hope!
I give to you, The Red Wedding: A Valentine’s Day Feast designed not to bankrupt the citizens of Westeros.
Appetizers: A Song of Ice and Salmon
This drink may look innocent, but it packs a whollop and sends it’s dragons after you..
You will Need:
- ½ ounce Goldschlager
- 1 ounce Sour Apple Schnapps
- Club soda
- Shot glass or low glass
Place alcoholic elements into a shot glass or small glass. Top with club soda. If you want ot be fancy, you can add a candy redhot heart.
House Tully Will Provide a Distraction: Smoked Salmon and Crackers
You will Need:
- Packet of Smoked Salmon
The crest of the Tully House is a Salmon. Place the salmon on a nice plate with a small knife and crackers. Simple. Easy. Done. We know what calculating does to the offspring of House Tully.
Dinner is Served: The Plot Thickens
Baratheon Chicken Cordon Bleu
This simple dish is fit for a King…well, with a plump Baratheon exterior and a Lanister plot on the inside, this meal is full of secrets and intrigue. Thankfully, these secrets are delicious and don’t lead to all out war.
You will need
- 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
- 4 pieces (or more if you LOVE cheese) Swiss cheese
- Sliced ham (or if you’re fancy prosciutto)
- Salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Take an oven safe dish and grease it with butter. We used spray coconut oil and it worked just as well.
Be careful with chicken. Wash your hands after handling it and the surfaces it touches. The last thing you want to do is give your partner food poisoning. What do we say to the god of salmonella? Not today.
Put the smooth side of the chicken down on a flat surface and take a rolling pin to it. Unlike Jaimie Lannister, don’t pound or roll the chicken too hard and make sure no small Stark children are watching you. Also like Jamie Lannister, this will keep everything looking pretty. Sprinkle with salt and pepper on both sides.
Place a piece of Swiss cheese on top of the now flattened chicken. When I was cooking, I found turning the cheese slice into two pieces (by ripping it apart with my bare hands!) made things much easier.
Cover this piece of cheese with either a piece of ham or prosciutto (which is pretty much just fancy ham). The difference here relies on how what your budget looks like, as prosciutto is usually a couple dollars more at the store, and often not found in smaller town grocery stores.
Roll the chicken breast into a neat little package and secure by stabbing it with a tooth pick to keep it all together. I won’t lie, I stabbed it pretending it was Joffrey.
Set your chicken bundle into your prepared oven-safe dish and sprinkle the breadcrumbs over the top, like the empty hopes of the masses of Westeros. Put the whole mess into the oven and set a timer for 35 minutes.
Chicken is a gnarly beast to cook sometimes, so make sure when your timer goes off that the chicken is not pink in the middle. You can do this by cutting into the side a little bit to check. The next step covers all of this up, in typical Lannister fashion.
Remove chicken and cover each piece with another piece of Swiss cheese. This will cover your misdeeds. Return to the over for about 3-5 minutes, or until the cheese is sufficiently melted. Serve over a bed of broccoli, and you have a fancy meal that is surprisingly easy to make.
Kingswood Broccoli: A Forrest Worthy of A Boar Attack
You will need:
- Three table spoons olive oil
- Two cloves garlic
- One small bag broccoli
- Garlic salt
- Lemon juice from half a lemon
Pour the olive oil into the pan along with two chopped cloves of garlic and saute them, like a plot cooking in the background. Add one small bag of broccoli (or if you want to be fancy and cut up a head of broccoli you go right on ahead), garlic salt, lemon juice and mix it around so it is coated with the olive oil and garlic mixture. The mixture will get softer and brighter green. When the texture is softer, you’re ready to go. This takes anywhere from 10-15 minutes.
Best part is this recipe can be done while your chicken is in the over, so you can serve it all together at once.
Dessert: Winter Is Coming
Eddard Stark’s Head: Roasted Apples
You Will Need:
- 4 large Baking Apples (I used what the local store had available)
- ¼ cup brown sugar
- ¼ cup raisins/currants/cranberries/dried fruit of your liking
- ¼ cup pecans or walnuts (this can be left out for dietary reasons)
- 1 tablespoon butter
- Vanilla ice cream
This is a great thing to put into the oven right before you take out the main course. That way it can be cooking while you have a nice meal in front of you and then BAM! dessert.
Heat oven to 375 F. Fun trick? Just turn it up 25 degrees from the chicken so you don’t have to go through all the preheating madness again.
If you have an apple corer, use it to remove the core of the apple. If you don’t have one, take a small sharp knife, and use it to remove the core of the apple, down to about ½ an inch before the bottom of the apple. The top hole should be a couple inches across the top.
Mix brown sugar, dried fruit of your liking and pecans in a bowl. Using a spoon, divvy this up between the little pockets you’ve made in the apples. Slice the tablespoon of butter into four pieces and set one piece on top of each apple filled with mixture.
Place in the over for 40 minutes, or until the apples are soft, but not a mushy mess. (We’re going for a severed head a few days old, not something that has rotted off the wall )
Let the apple sit for a few minutes and then transfer it to a plate. Accompany it with a scoop of Vanilla ice cream, and deliver it to your loved one announcing “Winter is Coming.”
- This meal ran about $40 without the alcohol . If you’ve seen a restaurant on the dreaded V-Day you know this is actually pretty good as far as fancy meals go. Plus, you can play the “I made it with love” card.
- Clean as you go. Nothing kills the mood worse of a nice meal like spending an hour in the kitchen after cleaning while your guest is in the other room. Some dishes can soak until the next day, but as far as packaging trash and small dishes go, get that stuff done!
- Serve Mead or Red wine along side your meal. Both are fantastic and can help you feel like you’re royalty.
- Do not describe the Red Wedding over dinner. Do not describe Eddard Stark’s death. Do not wax poetically with your partner about how you wish there was more doggy-style sex in your Westeros, “if you know what I mean.”
- If you’re loaded, feel free to prepare “Jon Snow Crab Knows Nothing”as a main dish.
The Cantina Scene is a monthly column written by Lady Victoria Irwin in partnership with FangirlNation.com featuring a nerd themed meal that you can pass off to your non -nerdy friends and family. All meals are designed to be done inexpensively, so you’re not breaking the bank. We would love to hear your ideas for themes, recipes, and plans to take over the world.
Have some Game of Thrones themed food ideas? Tell us what you think below or feel free to email email@example.com
Game of Thrones is a popular book series by George RR Martin, and has been produced into a television series by HBO, All characters are their property, not mine. I’m just a creative fan girl who wants to help. Special thanks to Michael Cantin for helping me with details of the Game of Thrones realm. Small print out!