Oh Hershey Pennsylvania…
Where your unions are made of chocolate…
Your streetlights are made of chocolate…
Your amusement park looks like a zombie apocalypse hit it…
I thought there would be more to say about Hershey. But unfortunately, everything was shut down except for a few places and it was freezing. Many a thing went ill with our trip to Hershey, but hey…
Loki got to take over Chocolate World, though!
Where there was free chocolate, giant bricks of chocolate that you could get “Thank You For Watching The Cats” written on in chocolate, (Trust me, someone did,) and a free chocolate RIDE!
“Why are these cows so happy humans yank on their teets all day?”
“Um…Loki, I think it’s time we had a little talk about the birds and the bees…”
“But birds and bees are of no consequence, this regards dairy and sugar, correct?”
“On Asgard, we aren’t foolhardy enough to name our food. Just another reason your kind should not be in charge of your piddling little planet.”
“But my lord, these cows are special! They can sing!”
“…..not all your cows sing?”
“No Loki, you can’t get out of the carriage.”
“But the colors…so bright…the air…so sweet…”
“SECURITY, CHOCOLATE FACTORY RIDE. CODE WORD: FUDGESICLE.”
Even looking at these pictures all these weeks later I can still hear the song. “Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Tasty Treeeeeeat! Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Tasty Treeeeeeat!“
We also got to make our own chocolate bar! It had SPRINKLES, yall. SPRINKLES. Do you UNDERSTAND ME???
Yes, I made a milk chocolate brick made with butter toffee and butterscotch chips. I got to design my wrapper like a goddamn boss, too.
Loki was watching the chocolate bar getting made while I designed it. Hence the blue, not green and “LOKI’S DOMINATION IS THE SWEETEST” emblazoned across it. But hey! Snowflakes! I was thinking about ya!
We also checked out the other thing that was open in town, “The Hershey Story.”
Truly a lovely museum, with amazing stories that will leave you inspired. Sometimes human beings are downright wonderful people, and we should learn from said people. Not that Loki learned anything, mind, he was too fascinated with this apostolic clock in the lobby…
…And the chocolate flight we took, which was the most decadent and important thing in existence. Even if you don’t like chocolate, you should take this chocolate flight.
Our favorites were Java in the milk chocolate category (The dark blue on the end,) and Sao Thome for the dark (That is the yellow in the middle.) It was very interesting to discover how they all tasted different, and as badly as I wanted to go on a chocolate binge and down these like cheap tequila shots, I have never tasted anything so decadent in my life. Definitely something you should do with at least 4 people, as me, my friend Amy and Loki could not finish it all.
(More sustaining than meat. They genuinely used this in their advertising, people. No wonder America has a weight problem now.)
All in all, I think Hershey would be a ton of fun in the spring, summer…basically any time where it wasn’t freezing and half the stores, restaurants and other activities were shut down as if it were the 1800’s. I would love to see that. Until next time, Hershey…
But don’t worry Chocolate Town, USA, I will never forget you. Because you also did something extra special for me.
I premiered as Mary Patrick in you. So you will always have a special place for you in my heart.
Stay Sweet, little minions!