How Do You Like Them Apples?

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Here’s the Deal.
Wisconsin is a pretty cool place to live.  Appleton is not as badass as Madison, there is definitely some backwards ways going on there.  For instance, this Chinese restaurant has playpens in the windows of its restaurant…
I also discovered that cheese curds squeak here.  But all in all, it was cute and quiet.  And hell, there was a Houdini museum.
You heard me.
It was in a CASTLE, who knew Wisconsin had castles?  But I suppose if you are the birthplace of Harry Houdini, you can afford yourself a sensible castle.
Loki wants to marry Houdini I think.  He was instantly drawn to learning about what the Midgardian people considered a magician, as illusions are his personal forte.
He came to the conclusion that although Houdini’s tricks were rudimentary in their execution, they were by and large impressive and as he put it, “gave him that much more confidence that the grandeur of his presence will overwhelm our feeble minds.”  It’s really lovely being around someone so humble.
He was particularly fascinated by Houdini’s icy river escapes, for obvious reasons.  If you touched that metal arch, you felt how cold the river water was that Houdini escaped from.  You had to hold onto it for two minutes, which is how long he took to come to the surface.  Loki of course blew this number out of the water…
Yeah, yeah we get it.  At this point I just got bored timing him.
Loki loved the medieval devices that Houdini enjoyed, which made me nervous as I believe it was giving him ideas…
And he informed me that the famous milk can trick is simple if you dismember the person first.  I calmly informed him the point was to escape the can.  He tutted and called me tiresome.
This is where I got uncomfortable.  You could recreate an escape trick, one where you jammed your assistant in a box that was chained and padlocked shut.
Guess who got to be the assistant.
Yeah, I saw this coming.  It’s a good thing I’m not claustrophobic, he had me in there for hours…
Lucky for me, my “Feeble Mind” found an escape route…
…To which Loki got greatly confused.
“There is no one here!  Who has stolen my Ginger Hand?”
“Turns out our minds aren’t as feeble as you thought, huh, Champ?”
“Indeed.  Now release me from this infernal box, I’ve been confined enough in my life.”
After that altercation, we felt a need to connect with the spirit world.  Needless to say, contact was made…
I skedaddled very soon after that.  When tables start to levitate, Hayslip is out.
We went downstairs to the first floor after that, which was an odd little tribute to the eating habits of the Wisconsin people.  Surprisingly, it was not inundated with cheese, although you could “identify the smell” of Cheddar…
…and Old-Fashioneds…
…and fish?…
And c’mon, who doesn’t want a big ole whiff of cooked cabbage.
(None of these buttons were pushed.  I don’t need to “guess the smell” of anything.  Unless it’s Benedict Cumberbatch’s skin.  Mmm, perhaps fresh out of a shower…)
We also were introduced to this enticing concept…
Sounds like a delicious kick in the teeth.  I mean “There’s CHICKEN In It!”  How could you not love it!  Just add water!
So we learned about Houdini and sturgeon spearing.  We learned that Masons built castles in the middle of Wisconsin.  Castles with dungeons to ensnare powerful Asgardian gods bent on world domination in…
(I saved him from this cell, earned myself some brownie points…)
Houdini taught us how to pick locks for the next time Loki gets captured…
We narrowly escaped death by a bloodthirsty lion…
And we worked on our fitness.
Feeling frumpy?  Just pump some iron!
Yes, feel the burn…
No matter how big or small, get the body of your dreams!
You too can get these immediate results!  Just live with a funhouse mirror on every available surface, and lie to yourself daily!
But above all, what did we learn?  That in the Midwest, a cart full of boxed food has a place in a museum.
You were weird, Appleton.  We dig it.

 

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