We apologize for leaving you bereft of our interactions for so long, dear readers. Loki and I have been settling into life once again in the City of Angels.
It seems as soon as we get a moment to breathe, suddenly the whole week fills. And it’s maddening and absolutely wonderful all at the same time. Mostly due to the fact that without something to keep myself busy and not a slave to the every whim of our favorite miniature egomaniac, I probably would have swallowed a knife at this point.
But I digress! We have many a tale of the road to delight you with! And after that, we shall be regaling you with the madness that is me juggling being a working actor and Loki’s dancing monkey here in Southern California. So come on, gentle readers! Let us survive Baltimore!
Sweet Baby Jesus is RIGHT, Loki. What a town.
I have nothing against Baltimore, and in fact I think it would be quite a fun little area to get to know if I had a car. But things being what they were, I was stuck for two weeks in a haunted hotel with a bevy of locals that were either extremely sweet and polite, or absolutely insane. I mean actually, certifiably, screaming in your face and trying to grab your purse insane.
Me and Loki found our niches, though. Being as we were in the home of the one and only guerrilla filmmaker himself. John Waters, we simply had to stop by Atomic Books and say hello to the…erm…clientele there. (Man? Woman? Garbage Pail Kid? Still not sure, but Loki made friends with it fast.)
Our second favorite place to be was actually inside our hotel – it was a gift shop called “Sideshow.” I knew it would be love at first sight as soon as I saw this gaping maw of a clown bellowing to step inside…<
Oh the sights! Tribble card games! Eisenhower’s head charms! Hula Girls! Small plastic babies, and menorah sunglasses!
Yep. With heartbeats. Only in a fancy hotel in Baltimore would a store such as this exist.
There, Loki encountered all the variations on art and the human condition that he could stand.
He met the world’s tallest man..
Loki…didn’t quite measure up. But he’s already got such a complex on being little, I let it slide.
He discovered Swarovski crystals can indeed be affixed to cars…
And yes, he discovered that the world’s skinniest man can indeed spend time with a wicker motorcycle.
We knew that question has been haunting you for years.
I also got to introduce Loki to my one and true alma mater – Hogwarts!
Granted, it was a lot bigger how I remembered it, but Loki enjoyed the scale. (Sidenote: Can you believe this??? Made entirely out of matchsticks. Gorgeous!)
We even discovered a strange and wonderful place below Ripley’s, made for someone just Loki’s size. He got to experience the thrill of trudging through a hot, smelly subway station! Imagine that! Dreams really do come true.
Everything was to scale. Very impressive. And I couldn’t help but notice, as I crawled on my stomach like a soldier behind enemy lines, that the view aboveground was truly impressive.
Once again, all matchsticks. Amazing.
Once we returned to the land of giants, Loki became quite enamored with the concept of shrunken heads. Maybe it was because he was remind he is a runt of an ice giant, himself.
I don’t know, but I will never forgive Ripley’s for the helpful “How-To” video that accompanied this display, of which Loki took copious notes.
Yep, Ripley’s had it all, along with many a thing I didn’t know I needed to see. Loki even got to go crown jewel shopping
“I desire one for every day of the week, Slip of Hay. How convenient you have brought me to a veritable trove of crowns to choose from!”
“Sure thing, Lokes. Whatever you say. Just know that when the alarms go off, you’re on your own.”
And as we rode our majestic sea dragon out and around the harbor, I couldn’t help but think to myself…
What a wonderful world.
Bye, bye, Baltimore!