Beauty Items to Hoard in the Event of a Zombie Apocalypse

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So when people talk about the possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse, I’m not going to lie, I have a hard time containing my glee. I mean, you know, I don’t really want the dead to walk the earth, but if they do I’m going to be ready. And I want to help you be ready too.

Let’s start with your hair. Water is going to be scarce, so who knows when your beautiful locks are going to get a good scrubbing. In walks dry shampoo; the sky has parted delivering you this angel in a can. I’ve tried a lot of dry shampoos and many of them leave a weird white residue on your hair (this look is amazing if you’re the undead or trying to pass as the undead but for the living, it’s not so sexy). Or they take way too much oil out of your hair leaving you with a straw-like mess.

Dry Zombie Hair

Me, obvs in need of a little dry shampoo

Walking that line in between is our friend Bed Head Rock-A-Holic Dirty Secret Dry Shampoo by TIGI. Just spray a little on your roots, rub with your fingers and you’re good for another day. And, if you happen to get a real shower in the Z.A., you can also use this on freshly washed hair to add a little volume.

Rock-A-Holic

Purrr…marry me?

Makeup remover wipes are next on my list. My most favorite wipes are No. 7, made by Boots. They’re a little pricier than your average drugstore wipes (you can get 2 packs of 30 for $10.99), but they are worth every cent. Granted, you’re probably not going to be too worried about your makeup when you’re off braining zombies, but if these bad boys will take off lipstick and mascara, I think it’s pretty safe to say that any remaining grey matter on your face will be wiped away like a charm. Plus, if it IS the Z.A., you’re probably just going to be looting them anyway.

Boots No. 7 Makeup Remover Wipes

You’ve got a little brain on your cheek.

Lip balm stains; I have about 20 different colors in my possession right now. I’m stockpiling for the apocalypse. It’s not becoming a problem…really. They’re amazing because they give you a little bit of color, keep your lips moist but don’t give you that “I just rubbed a marker on my lips” dried out feeling that straight up lip stains sometimes do. Full disclosure, I’m a makeup artist so I have a good stash of pro products, but my favorites are the cheaper ones. I love Neutrogena, Cover Girl, Revlon and even e.l.f. When you’re on the run with that Daryl Dixon type hunk of a man and he leans in, adrenaline rushing, heart pounding, the absolute last thing you want to be thinking is, “Wait, are my lips chapped?”

Lip Balm

Kiss me you undead fool.

Too Faced 3 Way Lash Lining Tool. THE best liquid eyeliner I have ever tried. It has 3 little prongs to give you different thickness of lines depending on the way you angle it. Control is superb when drawing on that fierce cat eye so you can look super dope when you’re the leader of that rag tag band of zombie fighters. The best thing about it is it’s thin and flexible enough to get in between your lashes- this is the best way to make your lashes natural and fuller looking.

You can't hurt me, check out my eyeliner.

You can’t hurt me, check out my eyeliner.

Maybelline Define-A-Brow Eyebrow Pencil. I used to be in love with MAC’s eyebrow pencil but for literally about half of the price you can get the same results. The reason I love this pencil so much is the size of the tip. The point is super small so your eyebrows don’t look like they belong to your great Aunt Edna. The secret is to draw your eyebrows on one hair at a time. I know, sounds terribly time consuming but once you get the hang of it it’s a cinch. Practice now so later on you don’t have to choose between eyebrows or getting stuck in a lip lock with our bitey friends.

Define-A-Brow

Without you, I’d be nothing.

Makeup Forever HD Microfinish Powder. This powder changed my life. I wouldn’t dream of using another powder on my clients and I also use it on myself. It’s translucent and so baby fine that when you’re putting it on, it looks like smoke coming off your brush (also helpful when you need to create a diversion- Oh look, someone dropped their frontal lobe!) It smooths everything out, creates a beautiful matte finish and looks gorg in photos.

Makeup Forever HD Microfinishing Powder

Hello? Yep, it’s you I’m looking for.

Tweezerman Tweezers. These stay forever sharp and come with a super pointy tip that’s good for plucking one hair at a time or you know, stabbing a zombie in the throat. Whichever. Plus they come in super cute designs- I have a pink one with skulls by Betsey Johnson.

Betsey Johnson

I really hope Betsey survives the Z.A.

e.l.f. Essential Eye Shadow Brush. You should know that I am a serious brush snob and most of mine are MAC, Smashbox, Shiseido. I decided to try the Elf shadow brushes when I was doing makeup for a theater production a couple months back. I needed lots of brushes since I had mega makeups to do (2 guys in drag alone) and I didn’t have the time to clean my brushes in between scenes. And for the $1.00 price tag what did I have to lose? Not much. These brushes do a great job without breaking the bank. They hold their shape well, are the perfect size for depositing color on your lids and don’t shed like a mangey dog. And in a pinch, you can use them to paint those 4 little words every girl longs to hear, “Don’t Open. Dead Inside.”

Elf Essential Eyeshadow Brush

Is that a brush in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

And lastly, if you don’t happen to be lucky enough to be in the Z.A. with a manicurist, you’re going to need some help in the nails department. I’m rough on my nails as it is but I can only imagine how rough they’ll be after a long day’s gore-fest. My mother turned me on to Perfect Formula Gel Coat (it’s called gel but it’s just like normal polish) that keeps my polish on for 5-7 days without a chip! Let me say that again- I can go pretty near a full week with zero chips. Now you’re talking to the gal who chips her polish the same day she puts it on so this is pretty groundbreaking in my world. The only thing better is a gel manicure at the salon but I doubt any zombies are going to be running any mani/pedi specials. An added benefit is it strengthens your nails- you never know when you’re going to need to do some melon balling (that’s Z.A. Code for popping out a zombie’s eyeballs) with your fingernails.

Perfect Formula Gel Coat

Hello, Lover

Look, you know what “normal” items you’re going to need for end of days. Things like bottled water, canned food, batteries, blah, blah, blah. Yawn. But remember, just because you’re living thru hell doesn’t mean you have to look like it.

zombie

Don’t let this happen to you.

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One Response

  1. Patricia October 22, 2014 Reply

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