Ah 2014, I will not miss you. Every year at this time I look forward to getting a brand new shiny year to screw up all over again. No matter what happened to you in 2014, you get to just shake that giant Etch-A-Sketch of life and get a brand new slate. So, what better way to start off the new year than by saying buh bye to some of those questionable beauty trends that got way too much play in 2014.
1) Over contouring in everyday light. Just stop it people. STOP. IT. You are not on reality tv, you are not a Kardashian (thank God, amirite?) you are not getting your picture taken for Vogue. All that full face hardcore heavy lined contouring that is all over Instagram and You Tube? You can’t do that in real life and not look like a crazy person.
Granted, this is gorgeous makeup but this was for a photoshoot. No matter what kind of trash you want to talk about Kim, the girl’s got a fierce beauty squad. But does this kind of makeup belong in everyday life? Think of heavy contouring like being a vampire. You can pull it off in the cover of night but out in the bright sunshine? You’re gonna go up in flames.
2) Fiber lashes. I see “ad” after “ad” for one company’s fiber lash mascara. I put ad in quotes because the ads are not directly from the company but from people who are selling the mascara. I’m not gonna call them out because there’s more than one company touting how fab their product is but there’s one that just really annoys me. <end rant> Now there are some fiber lash mascaras out there that are decent I’m sure (although I haven’t come across any that I’m enamored with so if you have one you love let me know) but from the pics I see of people wearing this mascara? It looks like a spider took a nap in their eyeball and died in there, legs out. It looks clumpy, the lashes are all stuck together and is not pretty at all. Seriously, put down the Kool Aid.
3) Orange skin. Alright, I’ll admit I’m the first one outside at any hint of sunshine and I love a good tan (I know, I know but I always wear mega SPF) and if I can get it safely in a bottle? I’m totally down. But for the love of 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus please use one that doesn’t make you look like an Oompa Loompa. And please stop when you’re a color that’s found in nature. Too much is just, well, too much. There are a lot of great self tanners out there and there are a lot of horrible self tanners out there. The thing is, what works for me may not work for you so you gotta take the time to try some of them out until you get the one that works for you.
4) The skin on your face not matching the skin on your neck. So I was talking to a friend about this yesterday and she was lamenting about women she sees that have dark faces that don’t match the rest of their skin. She asked if she was supposed to put foundation on her neck too. But then where would you stop? Your arms? Your stomach? Your whole body? Madness! The answer is please do not put foundation on your neck. I can say that I sometimes will put makeup down my neck if I’m getting pictures taken and I don’t want that awful “face doesn’t match my body” look that sometimes comes from the flash… but I digress. I’m talking about those women you see walking around with a line on their face by their chin that comes from either not blending their foundation or are using the wrong color (usually darker). Here’s a crazy pants idea. Let’s stop plastering foundation over our entire faces. You really should only be putting foundation where you really need it anyway. On me that would be under my eyes and around my chin. Let some of your gorgeous skin show!
5) Eyebrows ya’ll. Ombre eyebrows, severely drawn on eyebrows, blocky eyebrows. Put down the eyebrow pencil and walk away from the mirror. It just looks weird you guys. Don’t believe me? Well here’s Uncle Leo to show you how weird it looks.
Let’s stop over plucking, drawing them into shapes that look like the big dipper and trying to be trendy. My best eyebrow advice is to go to a professional (that would be an esthetician for those of you not in the know) and have her/him shape your brows. Let’s all just embrace our own eyebrow shape and enhance what we’ve got.
6) Overly lined lips. If you’re going to line your lips (and really, the only time I’m really down with liner is when you’re doing a bold red lip), please stick to, um I dunno, lining your actual lip. I see a lot of people lining around their lips trying to make them look bigger. You know what it looks like? Like you can’t figure out where your lips actually are. Far off it might look good or in pictures but close up? You look like you can’t figure it out. And what happens if you’re eating or drinking and your lipstick starts to come off and you’re left with a dark ring around your mouth. Ew. It isn’t cute. Again, Instagram is saying this is ok. It isn’t.
So what do I wish for you, my pretties, for 2015? I want us all to embrace our own brand of gorgeous, to love ourselves, be ourselves and stop believing the hype. You are beautiful. Believe it.