‘It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Blood Splatter’- Mistress of Death Holiday Gift Guide

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Well, creepy kids, it’s that time of year again. When you like some weird stuff, Christmas can be a lot more like Halloween. Don’t we all need more Halloween? The Mistress of Death is back to share with you some of the more fun macabre madness she’s found online for your holiday shopping.

 

Grave Digger Spine Candle:

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Molded from real human vertebrae, these candles come in three sizes: small, medium and large. It doesn’t hurt that they are associated with our friends at The Cult of Weird.

Dexter Themed Blood Soap:

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Whether you’re a fan of the Dexter book series (or that really popular TV show), sometimes things get a little bloody. Bloodbath has this soap designed to look like one of Dexter Morgan’s blood samples to help you keep your morbid nature while you keep clean. They also have some amazing sugar scrubs, body lotions and lip balms, all with super creepy names. If you’ve got a creepy kid on your list and want body products for them, it’s a great place to start.

The Zombie Plant Grow Kit:

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This kit includes the seeds, a coffin-like container and the weirdness; you provide the water and the patience. Like a chia-pet for screwed-up people, this little plant with grow, but if you touch it, the plant temporarily wilts and plays dead. Pretty cool, huh?

 

Literally Anything from the LA County Coroner’s Office:

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How could you not want a garment bag that looks like a body bag? They also have the basics, like t-shirts and coffee mugs. There’s even an apron that reads “The LA County Coroner has my Heart.” There’s also the fact that people would be way less likely to steal your lunch at work if you have a Coroner’s cooler bag.

Bone Clones:

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Into human skulls, but you don’t want to be that person that ACTUALLY owns a human skull (or have a ghost come back to haunt you due to possession of said skull)? Bone Clones offers a solution. While you can get a real skull from folks like The Museum of Osteology, Bone Clones offers fantastic replicas to study without coming from an actual human body. They also have a replica series for forensics, so there are skulls available with trepanning marks, bullet holes and hatchet wounds. Trust me when I say they are cool, and though expensive a good deal cheaper than the real thing.

Where’s the Victim Blood Splatter Kit:

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This is actually an educational tool from Carolina Industries. It’s designed to teach students how to determine point of origin and angle of impact when it comes to blood splatter. The simulated blood in the kit is nontoxic, doesn’t stain, and looks and dries like the real thing. Sure, that’s a little morbid, but it also improves their math skills…and don’t you want more women in STEM?

You’re F**king Magical Coffee Cup from Four Letter Word Cards:

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Don’t want to buy them something else in black? Buy them something snarky instead. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t deeply and totally in love with this coffee cup. It keeps toasty beverages warm and reminds me that I am an utterly a magical creature. I’d suggest not bringing this to work, unless you work from home or your boss has an amazing sense of humor.

Basically Every Ornament from Archie McPhee:

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If you want an ornament that isn’t adorably Hallmark, Archie McPhee has you covered. They’ve got everything from a unicorn in lederhosen to a glow-in-the-dark unicorn…oh and Krampus. They’ve also got a wealth of bacon candy canes.

Tentacle Candle Holders:

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Look at my Tentacles! Look at them!

It’s no good trying to waken the Deep Ones if you’re not doing it in style, right? Enter Dellamorteco and their dark dark designs. While you’re looking at the tentacles, make sure to check out the anatomical heart vases.

Cat Fashion Underwear

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Whether you’re worried the paparazzi will catch you in a bad moment getting out of your hypothetical limo, or you really like cats, these panties are cute and entirely added to  bring color to this list. It’s a well known fact cats are also  minions of the dark side.

Alcohol Advent Calendars

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The fantastic folks at Master of Malt have put together alcoholic advent calendars. They have Whiskey, Gin, and my favorite, Vodka. The price tag is a little steep, but they also promise top tier quality for your drinking pleasure.

 

Edgar Allen “Throw” Pillows

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Well, I think I’m clever. Cafe Press offers a ton of variations on the Edgar Allen Poe Throw Pillow, most with quotes.

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