Louisville was definitely way cooler than I would have imagined, and the people were a breath of fresh air after some of the people I had been interacting with for the past few weeks.
And something else happened here…what was it…oh yeah. I OPENED IN THE FIRST NATIONAL TOUR OF “SISTER ACT.”
Loki came opening night, of course. He definitely had me nervous, I knew what would happen if I failed (ever seen a burnt pork rind?) But after the show, he gave me the highest of compliments.
“You were adequate. For a human.”
I think that’s about as good as I’m going to get, folks.
Besides, our favorite little Norse god was too busy trying to obtain the beautiful horse statues we encountered all over the city.
“This! This is what I have been missing! A pack of noble steeds to ferry us across rebel lands!”
It didn’t seem to bother him that all these horses were stationary, as they were bolted to the goddamn ground. It wasn’t until we came across one bearing a rider that we had a problem…
I tried to explain to him that this was a horsetrack town, the home of one of the most famous horse races in the world. That this was a statue in honor of something steeped in rich tradition of Louisville and classic Americana. Guess how far being rational got me?
“I see, you man of two shades, that you are not willing to part with your steed. As much as I appreciate your courage, I have no real need for you. I would hate to make an example of you to the other humans for the sake of Earth’s servitude.”
Surprise surprise, the great stone jockey was nonplussed. I wonder why.
Needless to say, Loki flew into a rage the likes of which I have never experienced. Magic crackled through the air as he railed on and on, and despite my attempts to calm him down, maybe find him a different horse, he took his aggressions out on this poor, defenseless bike rack…
Remind me to never piss him off.
It was only after he screamed his rage to the heavens loud enough to start making melting ice from the buildings crash to the ground that he finally put a lid on it and let me enjoy the opening week of my first equity tour.
I told him he’s an Ice Giant. That he should grow a set. But then he gave me the big weepy “I’m a runt that was left by his father to die” eyes, and I couldn’t help cuddle him and apologize for my harsh words.
This picture was taken after the Great Coup of Fourth Street, where Loki single-handedly defeated the Louisville Police Department and renamed the city “Lokiville.” A lot happened in this town – I went on in “Sister Act” for the first time, had real Kentucky Bourbon, and Loki finally succeeded in taking over a city!