Christian spiritual director Larry Warner takes readers through his very personal experience of the death of his son 15 years ago and gives great insights to those grieving now and those wanting to help others with such deep loss in Journey with Grief. The book, a mere 156 pages and full of white space on the page, reads quickly but is worth taking the time to pause and reflect on throughout. It is divided into two sections: For You Who Are Suffering Loss and For You Who Journey with Others. Both sections draw heavily on the personal struggle experienced by Warner in his own time of grief and address the challenges everyone must face at some point in their lives with sensitivity and compassion. Each section has its own distinct voice as it offers assistance to two different groups of people.
To help himself address the deep pain of his loss, Warner began doing something new to him. He started writing poetry, a practice he has maintained even today in dealing with challenging issues. During just the first year after Nathan died, Warner wrote over 300 poems, many of which appear in the book to shed light on his own journey with grief. Journey with Grief came to be birthed when, a year ago, Warner made his first ever Facebook post about Nathan, sharing a poem about its being now 2 weeks worth of Halloweens since he got the news that his son was dead (see below). The way that poem resonated with people led Warner to see God’s leading in writing a book about grief, and we see him make himself highly vulnerable in his writings.
Journey with Grief impressed me in many ways, but here are just a few of my observations.
- One of the most important lessons we all should expect to take away from this book is that each person’s journey is unique. Even the death of a single person will cause very different experiences in each person touched by that loss. Thus, whether we are grieving or journeying with the grieving, we must not impose any expectations on ourselves or others as to how the journey should take shape.
- It is not only allowed, but expected, to get angry at everyone, including, perhaps especially, God.
- The first half of the book includes hardly any Bible verses, as the grieving person is often too numb to turn to them. But two in particular stood out to me. “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) shows that even Jesus grieved, and he knew that he would soon raise his friend Lazarus from the dead. If Jesus could let himself grieve, then so should we. The second passage, Romans 8:26-27, says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Even when we are too weak, numb, in pain to put words to our feelings, the Holy Spirit does it for us.
- The second half of the book contains many Bible verses, but not the passages one might expect. Too often people trying to comfort others quote verses such as Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” While in time, someone suffering will be able to see good come out of the bad, while the person is in great trials, this verse too easily seems like a platitude.
- One of rhe chapters that especially stood out to me was about Job’s three friends. While often criticized for their judgmental attitude towards Job, people often neglect the things they did right, which this chapter addresses.
I started reading Journey with Grief with already high expectations. As a friend of the author, I read his poem a year ago on Facebook and participated in threads asking for interaction with ideas in this book. But the book exceeded my expectations. It is highly readable, with very short, sometimes just two page, chapters boiled down to the most crucial truths. It is obvious that creating this book must have cost Warner a lot personally, having to relive his experiences of 15 years ago, but the end result is one of true value for the rest of us. I give this book five stars.
“The Door Bell Rings”
Two weeks of years
have come and gone
yet the horrifying news of that night—
remains horrific,
for time does not heal
all wounds.
Tonight I catch a glimpse
of the sorrow in her eyes
she is thinking of him
missing him
I pause at his picture
sighing
feeling the pang within
time once plodding,
weighted down by our grief,
has picked up speed—
the anniversary of his
death has arrived
there is no escaping it
for tonight
as in the preceding thirteen years
the doorbell will ring
and ring and ring,
and each time we will
open the door—
to costumed children
with expectant faces
bags held in outstretched hands
reciting a sing-song chorus of
trick or treat
we too, wear a mask—
a smiling face
hiding sad eyes
as we dole out
the treats
this yearly reminder of the
horrific trick
death played on us
that Halloween
two weeks of years before
the doorbell rings—
walking to the door
we check our masks
knowing time does not heal
all wounds.
Disclaimer: I was given a free digital copy of this book to review, but it impressed me so much that I bought several paperback copies for myself and to give to others.
To purchase this book for yourself, click here on Amazon.
