Additional authors: Amanda Conley and Vicki Mejia-Gewe
*Disclaimer: While Shirley has a Ph.D. in Social Psychology, that is not a clinical degree and she is not a mental health professional. All views are our own and based on our personal experiences and what works for each of us, and will not necessarily work for everyone, so should not be considered a substitute for medical advice or diagnosis. We are not health or mental health care professionals. If you do need help in a medical or mental health area, please reach out to the appropriate professional.*
Self-Care
Last time, we discussed indulgence/rewards, personal development, and hobbies as part of self-care, while the first article covered balance, health, nutrition, and self-kindness. In this final article for this series, we cover the social aspects of self-care.
Social support
Social support is such an important factor in our well being, and while we are forced by the pandemic to be physically apart from others, it is especially important that we find other ways to stay connected to people in ways that are meaningful to us. This can take many forms, not just social media. Below are some examples.
- Connecting with communities
- Hobby/interest based
- Cosplay
- Music
- Baking/cooking
- Book clubs
- Religious
- Faith-based groups
- Virtual services
- Hobby/interest based
- Maintaining relationships with family/friends
- Staying connected helps with our sense of belonging. If we can’t see someone in person regularly, options include voice calls, texting, chat programs, or video calls.
- Video calls — Some feel we miss out on tone and body language by not being able to see others when conversing. Video chats can help remedy that. Some possible platforms include Zoom, Google Meet, Google Duo, WhatsApp Video, and FaceTime. They can be used for a variety of purposes and ways, including to catch up or to do ordinary things like batch cooking, work, homework, or more structured activities, such as scavenger hunts, meals together, or watching a show or movie synched.
- Chat programs — These don’t rely on real time necessarily, much like texting. They allow you to share links, and some even allow for sending voice (audio) messages if it is easier. These also allow for group conversations with ease. Examples include WhatsApp, Hangouts, Facebook Messenger, and Discord.
- Staying connected helps with our sense of belonging. If we can’t see someone in person regularly, options include voice calls, texting, chat programs, or video calls.
- Learning to ask for help, as well as supporting others when they need it.
- Celebrating the little things, even if it is virtually.
- For example, a friend dropped off cupcakes for my birthday, and that evening, 3 of us ate them together on a video chat.
- I made a dessert for another friend and dropped it off with her for her birthday.
However, beware of toxic people or communities. Warning signs include, but are not limited to:
- Gaslighting
- Abuse, which can take different forms such as physical or verbal
- Being isolated or pulled away from your social circle, including from/by family or friends
- Bullying (which can also be online)
- Conditional offers that seem too good to be true (e.g., “if you move from your family’s home, give up your current life path, and move into our exclusive community, we will get you a visa/green card, provided you follow all our rules.”)
Just remember that social media and fandom experiences are your own: if you feel unsafe or unwelcome, just leave. Don’t be afraid to report bad behavior to moderators and know what you’re willing to take and what you aren’t willing to take. Every group has its bad apples and while it’s easy to say don’t let them spoil the bunch, it only takes one bad apple to sour the taste of even the finest pie.
And here are some resources to deal with some of the unavoidable situations:
- How to evict the parents in our head
- How to deal with gaslighters or narcissists around the holidays
Caring for or giving to others
Sometimes, we feel better by helping others. It can help us gain perspective and change someone’s day or possibly even life. Below are some ideas:
- Sharing resources/tips/favorite things
- Making things to give to others
- Crafts
- Baked goods
- Meals (because some people are sick of their own cooking by now)
- Lunchbags
- Letters, cards, and postcards decorated with wax seals
- Mentoring/tutoring
- Donating
- Amazon Smile — This donates a percent of your purchases to the charity of your choice. Just do your regular Amazon shopping at smile.amazon.com.
- Time (volunteering)
- Giving directly to orgs/through Facebook, etc.
- Also see Ideas for Supporting Others while ‘The World Sucks’
This series is by no means exhaustive, but is meant to give you some ideas to build upon what you’re already doing as you cope. You got this.
