Ah yes, the meme heard round the world.
Chris Pratt as Mario
Anya Taylor-Joy as Peach
Charlie Day as Luigi
Jack Black as Bowser
Keegan-Michael Key as Toad
Seth Rogen as Donkey Kong
Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong
Kevin Michael Richardson as Kamek
Sebastian Maniscalco as Spike
Surprise cameos from Charles Martinet— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) September 23, 2021
When it was announced that Nintendo was going to take another chance on a Super Mario Bros. movie because we all clearly have forgotten how well that went last time the voice cast seemed like a joke. At first when the now memetic graphics hit the net I was sure they were a joke. Chris Pratt at Mario? Jack Black as Bowser? What in Satan’s hot ketamine fever dream is this? But no, it was real, it is real and now that left me wondering: why the hell do we hate voice actors?
Mind you, my appreciation for voice acting came from a love of anime that started in my youth and that love came with dubs and English voice acting. I’m not here to start a sub/dub debate but when I was watching anime and trying my best to do so legally most of that was dubbed and dubbed fantastically. Shows like Cowboy Bebop and Trigun and Fullmetal Alchemist were all formative to me and one of the parts that made them so accessible was that I could have them performed excellently and in my native English. Voice actors spend their lives training for this and to be clear, just because an actor can be placed in the booth does not mean that an actor should. Very rarely has this strategy worked because actors need stimuli from outside sources to gauge reaction and intensity while voice actors rarely need all of that. That’s their job!
I can think of examples where actors have made the transition into voice acting roles that have been absolutely iconic but most of the ones that come to mind are comedians: they are also used to having to set tempos and gauge reactions and intensity not only by their audience but by their own pace and style. James Woods as Hades comes to mind and how can I forget Robin Williams as the Genie which was actually quite the difficult task for animators as most of his jokes were off the cuff.
Here is where I also have to admit I am not fond of Chris Pratt as a human being. Maybe it’s the terrible movie roles he keeps getting. The homophobic church support, the vague anti-vax rhetoric or the general just…sus timeline of his new relationship after leaving Anna Faris but my ire with him being Mario (gods, that still sounds so weird to even write) is just that I don’t think he sounds like Mario. Mind you, Mario is a tiny squat Italian plumber who I have only ever said a few catch phrases or any part of his dialogue from the 90s live-action movie that made Shigeru Miyamoto hate America and American film. Mario is a video game character, he isn’t meant to have lines and I think honestly I’d have issues with any acting selection that wasn’t Dee Bradley Baker.
I think actors can be okay at voice acting but rarely great; I think of Batman: Under the Red Hood in this case. Jensen Ackles does fine and NPH is also fine but in comparison to more experienced voice actors they mostly just sound flat or honestly worst; themselves. They don’t blend into the role as most voice actors do, it just sounds like they dragged two actors out of an errant storage cupboard and ran with it.
I’m disappointed that Hollywood is determined to ignore all the incredibly talented voice actors out there because this is literally what they’re trained to do. Please, just let voice actors act.
